restless.

“Thou madest us for thyself and our heart is restless until it repose in Thee.”

-Augustine.

my first snow experience in nashville

Something that has really been coming up in my life a lot lately is the idea of contentment

Not taking things for granted.

Living in the moment.

I have gotten to know me pretty well since moving away from my hometown.  I know that, unlike a lot of people, I really love change. I equally enjoy the days spent in search of new adventures, and those where I simply try a fun new recipe or workout.  And, I am generally content just doing things by myself. 

But I wasn't always.  While reading through some old journals recently, I came across almost a full year’s worth of entries describing myself with another common theme:

Discontentment.

discontentment with my circumstances,

discontentment with my relationships (or lack thereof),

discontentment with my choices,

but mostly, discontentment with myself.

pretty lame little dusting...

The worst part of this is that I think many of us feel this way all the time and don’t even realize it.  If you ask any of my closest friends during that time, I doubt any of them would tell you these were things I struggled with.  I thought I was pretty happy for the most part, but my soul was still restless.

It slowly began to recede as God showed me some sweet truths.

as the sun came out, the day became gorgeous

I’m definitely not saying Mallory Peterson has it all figured out.  She doesn’t. (Obvious to anyone who knows me.)  But I am learning this:

Living in discontentment with yourself, doubt, and in fear is just a disguise for selfishness.

God created us to be powerful in our weaknesses.  (2 Cor 12:9)

He created us to love others (John 13:34-35)

We can't love others well if we're dwelling on our own weaknesses. When we aren’t constantly comparing ourselves, our abilities and our circumstances to others’, shrinking away due to fear of failure and doubting God’s ability to use us, we will be free to live in the moment. And realize what it’s like to be content. 

My sister recently sent me this quote from a book she is reading.  It says everything I want to say to you.

"The act of self-acceptance is the root of all things.  I must agree to be the person whom I am.  Agree to have the qualifications I have.  Agree to live without the limitations set for me.  The clarity and courageousness of this acceptance is the foundation of all existence." 

- Roman Guardini (Catholic Philosopher)

Paul figured it out (and Priscilla Shirer's "The Resolution for Women" help explain it) :

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  

- Philippians 4:11-13

According to my book, the Greek word he used in verse 11 refers to an "inner sufficiency"

!

dwell on that for a minute.

Sufficiency.  You have it.  Already.  

Freedom.